Cutting to the Front of the Line

Welcome back would be an understatement. It's been over two years since I've posted. I'm not really even the same person. Well, I guess I am the same person, just not in the same situation of life. Nothing has gone according to the plan and I am 100% okay with that.

Since graduating college 2.5 years ago I can honestly say I have learned more since then than I ever did in class. Goes to show I am a person who learns best by experience. I've learned that I don't feel obligated to follow the path I'm supposed to lead. It's all about creating my own path and one day, hopefully, it will mean something to someone other than myself.

I read a lot of blogs everyday. Sometimes I wonder if my Google Reader can even keep up. Mostly they are escape blogs to keep me sane, but there are the occasional business/work blogs that grace my screen. When I decided to start my own back up I didn't want it to be like those other blogs. They help you find jobs, how to love the crummy job you settled for, what to do to get to the top, and most of all try to convince you that are not wasting your life. If you've found me searching for that... you'll be sorely disappointed.

I'm going to keep it real. In all honesty I don't know how people do it. I can't imagine spending 40+ hours a week in a job that sucks the life out of me. Not too long ago I was there. If you look back at my posts that is when I stopped writing... my favorite thing in the world! My weight sky rocketed. I woke up, got dressed in clothes that did not match my personality, went to work, and tried sitting at a desk all day. Half way through the day I ended up sitting on the floor or walking around with my slinky trying to find inspiration. What kind of world do we live in that we have to find inspiration? It should find us unexpectedly.

This blog is for those who've lost their jobs, hate what they're doing and wonder if there is life on the other side, or just want to see what interview I ended up going on this week. Welcome to my adventure in the unemployment line* as I search for a career that is worth waking up for everyday.

(*in case some radical person reads this blog and thinks that i am wasting the governments money being unemployed, pick a fight elsewhere. i've never received unemployment benefits- thanks former employer for laying me off two weeks before i was eligible- or government money. heck, i had to pay in taxes this year due to my odd jobs.)

Overheated Cat

Today starts a new volume in this blog.  One that I hope continues for a while (if not that means I got fired!).  I have never worked in a setting like this before in my entire life.  It is my first job since I graduated from college.  Technically it is my first full time job.  Professional dress everyday, steady paycheck, lunch hour, and my own company email.  Along with all of those perks comes the CUBICAL.  With the cubical comes "Cubical Talk".  Cubical Talk- talking that employees do with the illusion that nobody can hear and sometimes includes the discussions of personal items that should be left for times behind closed (and locked) doors.  This probably would bug people beyond belief, but my brain soaks up these conversations whether or not I realize it at the time or not.  This new outlet of entertainment brings inspiration to my writing and will probably be the new focus of many blog entries to come.

I don't cry very often.  Something about my makeup as a person doesn't let me unless it is an extreme occasion.  I empathize, but I rarely shed tears... and if I do it is usually fake so that people don't think of me as some cruel, heartless person.  Pet stories always pull a special string in my heart, more so sometimes than tragic human stores at times.  While sitting in the cubical I heard the most interesting one of all today!  A coworker got an email from her daughter.  In the email she learned that one of her daughters coworker accidentally dried her cat in the dryer this morning.  That is all she told her.  For about an hour I tried to imagine all the possible ways to accidentally dry a cat...  Don't worry I also wondered how the cat's well fare was.  She finally got an update that the cat made it to the animal hospital where they worked to revive it.  $300 later the cat is well and in stable condition.  Owner is still a little shaken up.  I don't think it has ever been that hard to suppress a laugh!  Of course they didn't know I was listening.  Turns out the ladies cat crawls into the dryer at night because it is a warm place to sleep.  Maybe a little too warm for it these days.  She woke up this morning and threw in some wet clothes and sent them and the cat for a tumble dry.  It was ten minutes before she realized that the cat was in there.

I can't wait to hear what tomorrows cubicles bring!

Day of Commercials

Lately I have been doing a lot of reading. It is far better to me than watching TV which is the alternative in my situation. I guess for about a week I watched TV pretty regularly and then stopped cold turkey. Today I discovered that that one week has fried my brain cells probably beyond repair. Why do I figure that? Well I am reading along today and comprehending what I am reading, but my brain is also thinking about something else. It's strange how we can think of more than one thing at a time. So I stop reading to listen to my thoughts. Guess what is was? A commercial for a free credit report. I was singing the jingle and even had the phone number down. The other morning I woke up with a jingle for a fast cash service playing in my thoughts like a record on repeat. I don't know why these things just appear out of the blue, but it is kind of annoying. I'm banning the TV from my life... at leat commercial TV. Anything that I can fast forward through the commercials will be just fine to watch.

Days of Story Telling

Story telling is the most important tradition that one can keep (or at least it is my belief that this is so). Oral or written makes no difference. I value stories of all kinds whether it be getting lost in the fantastical world, fighting in the trenches of a hopeless battle field, solving the most complex clue to bring a murderer to justice, or following the process of making the most important decision made in life. It doesn’t matter if it is as true as light or as false as my grandma’s teeth, stories pull at my spirit and I find myself trapped inside only to be released when every page and every sentence has been devoured by my eyes, or when my ears have heard the last syllable. This weekend I began a story that bothered me when I reached the end. It was a story adapted to film. Normally I don’t watch them until after I read the book so I know what I have gotten myself in to. Not this time though. 4 disks later and I can’t sleep because it seems as though they forgot to include the last episode. Or was that really the end? I do not know because I did not read the book. If I had the book I would read the last chapter, but I do not have it. This explains why I can’t sleep. I like books that let you decide the ending. Like the Louis Lowries’ “The Giver”. This one however was completely cruel if they ended it in such a way. You cannot base the entire series on something like that only to leave the watcher thinking you forgot to finish. You have to end it in a way that allows the reader to find the ending on their own accord, but you have to leave them in a sensible place to do so. It just isn’t good writing. I shouldn’t have expected the writers to do so since they made the whole series somewhat silly, but I will be a better judge once I have read the book. I hope it isn’t a waste like these past two days have been.

Day whatever

Served on a modest plate, nothing elaborate about the design, light streams of steam rising from the top, golden crust with a gooey interior, and a smell that can be recognized from the room over. Want another piece of humble pie? No thank you. I have had my fill of it lately. Actually, the whole pie was given to me. Homemade, wrapped up, and delivered straight to me. After being unaware of what the ingredients actually were I devoured it and as you know the consequences for such an action weren't to far behind. Sick to the stomach, regretful of past actions, and not at all fond of the current situation. Then spite fills up the pit of the stomach. Never again to approach what took you to that piece of pie again.

For about two days I've been sick from this humble pie. At first I handled it OK. I realized that I am not as good as I thought I was. Not talented in the ways that I had hoped. Back tracked and realized that I let people fill my mind with false hope. Thus beginning my humbleness. Then a turn for the worse came when I had time to sit and think about things. I was mopey, miserable, unapproachable, and down right mean because things are not going to planned. Finally the real me is starting to come back through and fight of the evil antibodies.

First mistake in life was to make plans. Everything that I planned is down the disposal- chopped, unrecognizable, destroyed. Everything that I wanted is now out of reach. I have no direction. Second mistake in life has not happened but is on the verge. Settling. Settling for something that at this time I can't see as beneficial. Now before somebody decides to hit me back with a comment telling me that I am talented and not a waste of life, don't. That isn't at all what I need to hear right now. My game is weak. Without a shadow of a doubt do I know who I am. It's just where I am going that I am having a problem with, and the fact that nobody seems to want me on their team.

OK so it hasn't even been a month, I know, I know. So maybe this is all over reacting, but I feel like THAT kid. You know (maybe you don't, because maybe you've never been it) the one that always gets picked last for the team. Which happens all the time for me! No this isn't a pity party. I usually show people that that was dumb and they made the mistake of not picking me first by proving myself worthy. However, there is a hang up about me. Frankly, I don't know what it is. Maybe it is the way I look. Maybe it is the way I talk. You know what. It could be the prejudices against red heads. More than likely it is because I don't appear to have skills. Seriously though, if I was trapped on a desert island filled with tigers, bears, and snakes, I would not pick myself to help fight that battle. Thank goodness I haven't applied for those jobs yet.

Tonight I stumbled upon something very cool and tempting. Check it out for yourself. www.alife4sale.com. A guy is selling his life. Now his sounds pretty awesome and if I had money I'd totally bid on it (it starts on eBay in a day), but only because it includes a house in Australia. It does make me a little sad imagining if I was him. Go read his story.

Anyway, enough of this rant. I promise things are going to be written a little different around here next post. No more whining. I just found out news that really irritated me. So I will leave you with this thought. I often wish things worked out the way I wanted, but then I look back on it and praise God that it didn't.

Day 17 of rejection

As strange a sight as ever was to be seen at 1:30 this morning. Black as could be our doorway was the only illumination to be seen on the street. I had just been laying on the dinning room sofa when I came back to reality. Lost in the adventures at Mansfield Park, I was brought back to life by the sound of rapid wing movement. I had been hearing it for more than ten minutes and just assumed it was a trapped June bug, until the noise got considerably louder and closer to my face. I look up and see a bat in the house! Upon further inquiry I noticed that it was not a bat at all, but the largest moth I had ever seen!! I was not going to lie around and wait for it to get stuck in my hair so I opened the door. Biology is not my strong point so I do not remember learning whether or not bugs have brains. Most of the time they just fly out the door, but this one did not. Standing in the kitchen I decided that the best way to shoo it was to throw stuff at it; an Easter egg, candy bars, utensils, dog treats. Nothing worked. It just stayed on the computer chair. I got the broom and tried to chase it out. NOTHING. I'm sure if anybody drove by this would be a sight to see. Wanting to get back to my book I shut out all the lights and ran to my room after leaving my parents a note to dispose of the blood sucking moth in the kitchen. I haven't been staying up late and I haven't been reading. This book was just sitting among my collection and I realized that I hadn't read it yet. I am a Jane Austen fan, as most literature loving girls are. It is divided up into three volumes. I was almost done with the 2ND at the time of the moth incident. So I decided to finish up that volume and save the 3rd for tomorrow. Forgetting the plan I kept reading. My brain was too caught up in their circumstances to think of my own. I was about 50 pages shy of being done with the 3rd volume when I checked to see if I had time to finish it before an indecent hour of the morning. When I was that my clock said 4:00 AM I decided that I better go to bed. I woke up and finished the book and was not disappointed whatsoever. There was more drama in this book than any of her others. Pride and Prejudice was a great book, don't get me wrong, still my favorite, but the development of the characters in this novel was worth the length. I am about the fall into my next adventure and I figured that I better write this before starting that one or this would never get published. My evening is committed to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and where ever he decides to take me. Surprisingly, I have not read him before.

Day 12

I got my first tip today. One whole dollar and it was disserved. I soled 234 parking places today and you know what I learned? People are lazy and whiners. "Three dollars? Why do I have to pay it?" "Can I park right there? But I don't want to walk!" My replies are that typical of a redhead. "Three dollars? Well it could be worse. I just graduated from college. Have no real job. No money. So you are helping me survive. That is why you pay three dollars, even though I only see about ten percent of it." Despite the sound of it, when said with a smile I usually make friends with the car load. I even had one guy try to give me money, but I smiled and told him to enjoy the game and spend it in there. Now the lady that complained about walking... I had a few more tips for her, but I decided that a black eye would not be so appealing. Especially since the men like to tell that I am pretty despite the sweat. Just one of the perks of the job I guess. That is how I got my tip tonight. At one point I had more dollar bills than an 'exotic dancer', but then I ran out of change all together. When the boss finally broke some twenty's and replenished my stash of ones I had a line full of cars waiting. My first car handed me a twenty. Lovely. So I gave them $17 in ones. The guy looks at his wife/girlfriend/lover and said "Did she really just give me $17 in ones?!" all angry like. Sometimes I can't control what I say. It's like word vomit. I stuck my head back in the car and said "Yes I really did just give you all ones. That's all I had, but if you don't like it I'll accept that tip. Have a great game!" Never give the parking attendants attitude. Next time you may have to pay a hazard fee.

I think I may buy parking lots all over the country and charge people to park there. I never realized how much money you collect doing that. Anyway, tomorrow is another day of baking on the concrete and we will see what lovely people come through my line. I really do enjoy meeting all of these people, even the jerks, because even talking to them for less than 30 seconds I learn so much about each of them. If you come to the Cat's game this summer come to my parking line. It truly is the best!